She was unstoppable not because she did not have failure or doubts but, because she continued despite of them! ~ anonymous
I have often mentioned in my blogs by now that positivity and persistence leads one a step closer to their goal and that couldn’t be more true! If you or any of your loved ones have faced this terrible disease then you would know how interminable this whole process is! In my opinion, receiving the news is not even half as intense as going through the treatment, but hey guess what, there’s still a ray of hope and positivity here, what’s that you ask? Well all of it seems worth it at the end! Clichè I know.. but it does!
As of today, 11/24/2018, I have completed 6 cycles (12 therapies) of ABVD chemo therapy and I feel extremely proud of myself! Is it because I ever doubted my self? No! My body? Yes.. definitely doubted my body, I wasn’t sure if my bone marrow could do it, I didn’t want to opt for a transfusion – neither blood nor stem cells transplant. I didn’t want to take radiation either and I was lucky enough to escape all of these adverse treatment forms! How? God’s grace! I still remember my thoughts from the month of August where I had a breakdown as my inflammation markers kept coming high on my lab work despite of my biopsy being negative. I said this out loud to my boyfriend “someone out there is watching me and for whatever reason does not want me to be happy or have my life back” and he let me cry it out and then made sure those thoughts were gone out once and for all from me and they did! Now when I look back I know for a fact why they kept coming high, and it was very silly of me to give in that easily but, would you blame a cancer patient in desperate hopes of wanting to hear just one thing? “Your body is functioning perfectly now” ? I wouldn’t. If you feel low, negative, sad, or just hopeless, talk to someone, share your thoughts because either of the two things factors are responsible : 1. You’re missing out on a vital piece of information 2. You have a wrong perspective! And guess what?! Both of these can be fixed! You don’t have to be a cancer patient or fighting any other adverse forms of disease to be able to take care of your mental health! Trust me when I say this, we often read about it here and there or study about it and wouldn’t even realize when it starts getting to us! So, be aware of your thoughts and actions and if at all you feel like you need help, don’t be afraid of being judged and rather just say it out loud!
I would also want to mention two vital things one should expect at any stage of chemotherapy, at least I did during my last cycle. 1. Nausea 2. Burning sensation. Yes nausea is very common and expected at a very early stage in the treatment but for me, it did not kick in until my 11th cycle but, when it did, it came strong and got to me. I still haven’t had the need to take my anti – nausea medicines but that is only because my diet went down as well. I made sure I take my protein – boiled eggs and boiled sprouts were my best friends. One could also experience this very unusual burning sensation on the day of infusion which (in my case) continues for atleast a day or two. It is very uncomfortable and almost feels like a heart burn but, pretty much in all your vital organs from your neck until your lower abdomen, it feels like the inner body is on fire and outer skin becomes ice cold, literally! Apparently, the heat from the chemo drugs causes this and it’s normal.
I kept imagining how the last day of infusion would feel like or how would it be to finally ring the bell and hug goodbye to all the nurses at the facility and I thought it would be a very joyous day and knowing me I thought I would be dancing around but, I was rather in tears, yes tears of joy but, I think it’s because the fact that the countless amount of days of blood draws and infusions that once seemed never ending had finally come to an end, it felt good, my heart and soul came to peace and I could feel the struggle coming to an end! I definitely look forward to my repeat PET- CT that’s scheduled in February but until then, I am going away to my happiness and enjoy my new year because it definitely is well deserved!
Lastly, all I have to say is that be strong enough to let go and patient enough to get what you deserve because just like the good days, the bad ones don’t last that long either! So, KEEP FIGHTING for your life, BELIEVE that even if today, tomorrow, the next week or the month is bad, it will eventually get better! Have FAITH in yourself and your journey and know that no one, absolutely no one can help you fight this through or fight for you as much as you yourself can!
BE BRAVE, YOU GOT THIS! ❤️