Becoming your own master!

“Today you are you, that is truer than true…there is no one alive that is youer than you!” ~ Dr. Seuss

In this blog post, I want to share my own experience as to how easily we let things in our surrounding affect us which, in turn ends up affecting our behavior and ultimately, our relationships with our loved ones. So, this is not just limited to my fellow fighters on their wonderful journey of kicking cancer to the curb but, rather to everyone on their journey of life!

Yesterday embarked 4 months of me taking chemotherapy and as of this month, it’s been 5 months since I’ve known of the dragon and I am not going to lie, the cancer didn’t really scare me until my last blood work which showed 2 most important things that were not in my favor! The first thing was my neutrophils and the second was the C-Reactive Protein. My Neutrophil count was lower than the lower limit mark that they’re suppose to be at and these guys are suppose to help you fight any form of infection whatsoever, when your immune system is low. They’re basically white blood cells but, first ones to act. So, what happens when they go low you might ask.. well something called neutropenia occurs which obviously means a considerable low neutrophil count that leads to fever and infections, both of which are obviously a big no no during chemotherapy as the rate at which it invades a cancer patient’s body is much much faster than a person with normal immunity. And obviously the more chemo a person takes, the more the drugs hit your bone marrow resulting in lower neutrophils and it’s solely your bone marrow’s fight to try and make more neutros. On the other hand, C-reactive protein is something that our liver produces as a response to any form of inflammation in our bodies and these have obviously been high for me since the beginning as I have lymphoma but, the concerning part was, they being high even after my biopsy came negative lately which was for sure not a false negative! Sure, when I say they’re still high, the numbers aren’t that bad but they’re higher than the range! They did come down from say being 80 to 14 but, they’re suppose to be <5!!!

When I saw my blood report last week I cried! I cried as I was concerned thinking the chemotherapy is just not working for me! I asked my oncologist as well who said “it is non-specific and we should wait for the pet-scan” which might make sense to him but, when you’re at your lowest, you obviously want to give up and be a blob! I obviously had my boo to comfort me and he did his best but, this is what I realized after that incident… no one, absolutely no one in this whole wide world can help me but, my own self! I reminded myself of all the failures I had faced and how I myself acted strong and stepped out of them! Reminded myself that, only I can help myself out of this as well and only I can make myself strong again!

Every time I got bad thoughts I asked myself “if you were to die tomorrow, was it worth wasting your time being angry with your life and luck?” and believe me you, the answer was no each time! So, I instead started saying, “accept the situation, let go and move on!” So far, that has been working just fine for me!

What I am trying to say is, acceptance is the biggest winning factor in any situation! When you accept, your brain moves on to the next task! It can either be solving the issue or helping you deal with it! Either ways, you don’t have to control your thoughts, that’s merely impossible in a short span of time but, what you can do is stop letting your thoughts control you and your actions! Try shutting out negativity completely! Sure, such thoughts would still come across and all you have to do is let them pass by, reminding yourself about the rather important things you need to work on! To some, these things might be easier said than done! Trust me, it was same for me as well until, I absolutely had no option but be positive as only positivity is going to work here.

I’ve started being thankful for the little things in life! Thankful for being able to sleep peacefully, being able to wake up to a new dawn, new opportunities, for the amazing support I have from my love, my family and friends! For being able to have food each day on my plate and not having to worry about something that could possibly turn my life upside down! Sure cancer did LOL! but, it was rock bottom and I have only come up from that point!

I AM FIGHTING MY HARDEST HERE AND I AM NOT GOING TO GIVE UP NO MATTER WHAT LIFE THROWS IN MY WAY AND I WILL WIN!

What about you?

“Don’t downgrade your dreams to match your reality. Upgrade your belief to match your vision!” ~ unknown

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